The Greatest Pain in Life

  The greatest pain in life
is not to die, but to be ignored.

To lose the person you love so
much to another who doesn't care at all.

To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.

When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.

To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.

To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.

To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".

When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.

For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits.

When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?

Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?

Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.

Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.

If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.

You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others.

 

M O V E D

http://www.stuck-upkid.blogspot.com

Li.di.ya turned back time on 9:53:00 PM.

sorry ppl... juz realised i had 2 broken links, tony's n kokoro's. changed e 2 hyperlinks already. its working now.

Li.di.ya turned back time on 8:06:00 PM.

Taurus: Your temper is quick to flair up today. Get at the root of the issue.**

1 month++ of Holiday!

still out of job. spent e past few hrs (or e whole of my wkends) being a couch potato infront of e tv. alrite.. quite satisfied with e programs. watched quite a few of e old chinese shows they were showing on channel 8 and channel U. suprise suprise. i think after e merger of e 2 tv stations, channel U will attract more viewers like me who r not so into taiwan's show like "pi li huo" or hk's "qing qing" which has thousands of episodes, suitable for ah ma(s) who have nothing better to do than to follow up on every of their episodes. Taiwan's dramas juz sucks la. only their variety programs can make it.

something from e programes i have watched:
The Tree("hai zi shu"): "People tend to be more aware of their surroundings when they are lonely." .... yeah... a time for some self-reflection?
"Hu Du Men": "Happines does not come in a plate, it has to be earned."


ya.. last nite was out having dinner with my family. all e way to orchard. i din enjoy any single bit of it. i knew i wun, but no matter wat, i had to have my dinner settled rite? i had no programs anyway. so wth.

but e saddening thing was tt i missed a call from ___. argh..shit! y din i..... 4get it. din bother to call me back either.

after dinner took a bus back alone. it was a long ride but it din matter, i had my mp3 player with me n i love taking long bus rides at nite, 'kan feng jing' n stuff. u will nv know how much i dread of going home everytime i have e chance to leave tt place.

while on the bus i tot of doing something stupid. since i still have my bus concession, having my hol, n out of job at e moment, having so much free time, i could jolly well get ard sg, go to places i have nv been to or has always wanted to visit. hmm...


Good Friday sucked too. i cocked up everything... again. was running from TJC tt day, and 4 e first time i felt something really bad, scared or watever.. was like afraid of losing something...... ...... i ran n i ran.... as hard, as fast as i could...


juz now was searching for info on Micheal Flatley's Lord of the Dance and i came across this website. BEST! do visit, u wun regret. http://virgil.no-ip.com/Features/b2evolution/blogs/blog_all.php

yeah.. hoping to go for that Lord of the Dance which will b performed next month, ard my birth date. a great way to celebrate my bday? watched another performance of this guy, and his group or wat, on Arts Central a few wks ago. "Riverdance" or "Feet of Flames". watever it was, very entertaining and it took my breath away. it was superb! tap dance with catchy background music. WOW!... no.. DOUBLE WOW!!!

ok.. back to the WEBSITE. i dunno where these ppl come from but cfm sg..hehe, they are really gd at blogging. as in the contents and stuff are really interesting, the website itself. seems like their lives r kinda happening too. woo... i muz comment that they provide really gd reviews(for movies, music, eateries++++), quotes, games for killing time and sharing stuffs....some r really enlightening. they also included some photos which seemed professionally taken(eh.. think 1 of them is kinda experienced in photography)... nice. wa.. i would like to to take up tt too.

websites tt are worthy of ur visits:
Mamma-Mia: http://www.mamma-mia.com
reminds me of the play. BEST TOO! i wanna get e music track album!!!!
Tony Leong: http://www.tonyleung.org
He's THE MAN! who cares he has split personality, slips easily into depression or wat, he acts well and has gd character. u know..some part of me kinda resembles him. he is my perfect man!
Koroko: http://www.kokoro.com.tw
remember those taiwan love stories in flash? "zai xing" ++... used to get the links from emails... now here it is.
TV ad: http://www.cc.nctu.edu.tw/~u9014102/BBDB_08646_0028797W.MPG
this is a damn cute 1. its not a link to a website but there'll b a pop up menu which will prompt u to dl or open it.
I Love IT!: http://www.pconline.com.cn/pcedu/carton/mtv/0407/flash/29IloveIT.swf
wow.. enthu sia... damn cute too.

Sections u'll like to look out for when u visit e website:

• photography (i like e "Good photo, bad photo" post)
• peeping tom
• super boh liao stuff (haha.. ya really bo liao. but have things 4 u to laugh about)

came across these things they say too:

" I feel so distant these days... It's like it doesn't matter whether you are there or not, and no one realises."

...if u know wat it means. tt was wat i have been trying to say...

"Our brains can store so many things, that actually is quite impossible to forget anything that has taken place in out lives."

amazing huh.... i wonder those people who have appeared in my live b4, those i would think of once in a while, like m i sill in their memories or have any impression at all?

"When you fall out with a group, because you feel their way of doing things contradict with your own values and views, you feel the best way is to leave the group. But when you leave, the people who bad mouth you won't stop bad mouthing you... and they prefer to garner more support for their case by saying bad things about you. It's a harsh reality of life... but politics exist the moment friendships turn sour.
And when you leave a group... you wonder if you've got the courage to trust in a new group again. After all, you've been hurt quite bad by the previous unpleasant experience. For her at least, it must have been a hard time of self-reflection. I used to feel this way once last time... and I learnt not to expect too much of friends... because expectation is the cause of much disappointment.
In any case I also learnt that it's better to have a group to play volleyball with, than to have no group at all. In fact it's a miserable feeling... inside, you are dying to play, yet there is no one who would play with you. I used to spend weeks and months in Sentosa watching people play volley... everyone seems to have a group they belong to, and it's hard not to feel left out."

thats how i think too sometimes. n yeah.. it feels really bad when u need, but dun, have khakis to carry out the activities u have been wanting to get involved in.

=X opps. i copy cat.

ok.. working on my new blog template...soon. dun think will b designing 1 myself coz my pc a bit cock up now. will b getting these links organized once i have moved.

bedtime. dun think i need "sleeping pills" tonite coz think its late enuff...

here's e lyrics of another great song i have found from e webby. do have e mp3 but din really notice it until now, tt i have seen e lyrics. nice.

Lost Without You
By Delta Goodrem

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do ...I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do ...I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without youI keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

Li.di.ya turned back time on 3:23:00 AM.

Li.di.ya turned back time on 11:07:00 AM.

Taurus: This is not a day for emotional outpouring. It's a day for action.**

nah.. i had enuff of all e action le.. kinda tired.... yeah.. now i understand being 'zhu dong' is a v tiring thing to do. but i think mine is e worst.

e other day was thinking..hey! Being rejected is not the end of the world afterall. it helps a person get on with life and move on! coz u dun have to think and worry about this and tt... all e "wat-ifs" and blah... yup.. no regrets.

for me... i din even felt a single pinch when i tot i was being rejected. still... think i should have juz left it as it is.. coz even though it wasnt, at this moment, it feels no difference to me.


QUOTE: we all are constantly looking for some1 perfect to b our the other half. but y do we not ask ourselves y we are not perfect too?
( something like tt la..from 'ban ge yuan fen' channel 8 show)



MP3 recommendations:

1. Almost Here - by Delta Goodrem
2. Fly - Hilary Duff
3. Pieces - sum41
4. Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
5. Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
6. Single - Natasha Bedingfield
7. Over and Over - Nelly
8. La La - Ashlee Simpson
9. My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne
10. tong hua - guang liang
11. xuang xi dong wu - tanya
12. ai feng le? or wat... - Penny dai pei ni
13. shao nian - guang liang

sometimes i really 'pei fu' them for writing such nice songs... especially e chi ones.. always have a story in them...

something fun to share:
look at e lengths of ur fingers.
Palmists says:

- the index finger itself is a reflection of ego and self-worth. a longer index finger, especially one longer than the ring finger and as long as the middle finger, is a sign of leadership. (the person is dominant or has control of power)

- the index finger is shorter than the ring finger, means the person is weak, with low self-worth. But coz the ring finger is associated with creativity, that also means that the person is likely to be more artistic and able to appreciate beauty.

look at the headline, the middle line that runs across the palm.

- if it is a clear, sharp, deep line, it means he is even-tempered.

- if it tends to have a lot of irregularities like other lines crossing it, it may mean that you can be hot tempered.

to me they kinda make sense and r quite accurate.

i have my index finger shorter than the ring finger. ok.. weak.. but i m artistic! yeah... n i love to appreciate beautiful things! sad that beautiful things dun last long. eg. e sunset...? (reminds me of Before Sunset and Before Sunrise the movies.haha. the conversations r really interesting and they kind relate to us in our daily lives.. whether its about love or family. BEST! ) hmm... if i do really sucky 4 my exams, i might juz go get a design course instead! sucks man.

i dun think i have tt deep, sharp line on my palm. but i m very sure i m a hot tempered person.. hehe...

though i dun believe in gods...at all... i have no idea y i m still so superstitious.. believing these stuffs.. horoscopes... =P its amazing how they can appear to b so true at times..

Li.di.ya turned back time on 7:35:00 PM.

its suppose to b study wk but i m already in e hol mood. its always e case when i dun have to go to sch.

have been thinking about alot of stuffs rather than studies... about going on a hol during e 2months break, prob with finding a pt job... +++

i have to get out of this house once in awhile to keep my mind off these stuffs. wo xu yao hu xi xin sian kong qi...

still feeling guilty about e other nite when i asked sam out 4 a nite jog. i was like 45mins late coz i accompanied my fren 4 dinner at tm. really sorry tt i din bother to even sms to inform him i would b late. was thinking i would b meeting him near his blk anyway. n tot he knew i m always e late queen. i m always taking things 4 granted. mayb its true tt i m a person who is not caring enuff...

when i saw him in his slippers, i knew e nite run was off. not so sure whether he cried or something b4 tt.. but it seemed as if he did. was thinking wat happened.. family prob or wat.. when i asked he juz said he tot i wun b going anymore and he fell aslp while waiting. opps. i screwed up lor.. moreover i was e 1 who asked him out. we juz had a short kopi break den i left le since his neighbour was there too. den went 4 e nite jog alone near expo. or-bi gd!

was thinking of getting back together again, hint hint a bit by asking him out since i was e 1 who asked 4 e break anyway. but mayb 'wo zhi zhuo duo qing' ba... i think too much when he complained bout his stuffs to me e other time. coz i hate to waste this kind of time, when both of us r feeling e same way. so tot mayb i should act first.. but mayb it was about his ex ba.. not me. ya.. still like him in a way. but whenever i think about e pic n e compare part i juz feel mad again.

now i understand this part when u like some1, u dun mind giving him/her up to e other person when tts wat makes him/her happy. i used to think its stupid, trying to act noble only. but ya.. no pt too rite...holding on to something like tt... e same goes as frens. it hurts to c some changing themselves while going after some stuffs in life. but if tts wat they want and makes them happy.. they can juz go ahead.

still... i wish him luck like how i wished 4 cl n his gf. no faking k. if he really still like her better go 4 it. 'xing fu shi yao zi ji qu zheng qu de'. i always have this kind of mindset tt guys should b e 1 to initiate and take action first. so....

well.. i dun mind but guess it will a bit difficult to remain as frens ba. juz let time pass n we will know.. mayb it will b e best way to end it juz here. no more 'po po ma ma' le...


STUDY TIME!!! ........*zoOM*

Li.di.ya turned back time on 2:34:00 PM.

Taurus: Make sure you have enough leisure time in your day - every day.**

last wk have been staying till really late in sch to rush for my projects. way past dinner time. was a hectic wk man. thank god its all over now. n now i m juz so slack. bleah.

study wk this wk but i havent started 1 tiny bit. seriously no mood. argh.. i m gonna regret it next time.. better start on 1 of my subjects later.

completed quite a few tasks today. washed all my clothes. packed my desk a little. n did some housework! couldnt stand e floor being so dirty any longer so juz picked up e broom n swept e floor.

these few days have been going for nite run. hopefully this is not 'san fen chong re du' again..



SAT:
Taurus: Laying low won't move things forward as fast as you might want.**

worked full day today, in my heels. god. u dunno how my feet hurts man. was in my heels e whole of yesterdsay too. yeah.. its my last day of work. gotta look 4 another 1 soon since my 2months of hol is coming. aww.. dun get to c e guy from P.O.A le. haha.. as if i care. dunno him anyway. he juz have a sharp face feature tt i find it unique. mayb he is mix, eurasian? a model kind of material. really.

n dunno its suay or wat. happened to c cl n his gf shopping at e dept store, directly in front of me! this is e 2nd time i saw him since e last time we met or toked. small world indeed. e other time we juz passed each other on e escalator at City Hall mrt station, n i could c tt he was trying hard for me not to notice him. nah..i juz let it b... no need to greet each other. still.. i wish him luck with his gf.. they really look gd together n could tell tt they r happy being together too. really happy 4 them =) seriously.. no hard feelings...



FRI:
Taurus: Join with the sentimental attitude of the day. Express your feelings.**

practically din attend sch today. juz stayed in e lec hall for less than 10mins of maths lec n i walked out. anyway, i could say tt there were not more than 15 students present. e relief teacher juz sucks at teaching, he was like "students, wat do u like me to go thru with u? if u have no questions i have nuting to go thru with u already. mayb we do e graphs? r u all prepared? if u r not prepared there is no pt for me to go thru with u too." like wat kind of teacher does tt? seriously a waste of time to attend his lessons. y do our teacher always have to get a relief when e exams r coming, wrong timing lor.

nvm. attended e lec coz i needed to go sch to do something too. n shit! i 4got i as suppose to have a maths class test during e maths tut at 4pm. mg...coz i was thinking it was no pt going since he juz gonna let us copy e ans 4 e tut questions when behind e book has e ans too. hai.. so i requested to work earlier.

after sch met my dad at pw 4 lunch. past few wks have been making an effort to have meals with him. i m begining to realise there is a need for me to spend more time with him. i eng eng anyway...


ya.. saw soffie? on e bus to pw n we chatted about kc stuff. "scandals" as she calls it.. haha.. 1 particular thing i muz agree with her. both of us (or so do e rest of our ex classmates or '03 sec4 batch) think its kinda ironic tt a trainee teacher is (still) going out with 1 of our ex classmates. i m told tt he is at least more than 26yr old. ok.. age may not b a big prob, but do u know where they met? it was like during 1 of our exclassmates' death anniversary at her house!!! if tts not bad enuff, b4 tt girl died she was together with him ok... like.. isnt it some kind of betrayal? wat kind of fren.. wat kind of guy does tt? soffie was saying about him asking 4 sex from e dead girl b4 but din want to. gd 4 her! but about this current girl of his, i wun b suprised if he's after tt as well. into young girls huh... but whether this sex part is true or juz rumours.. i dun approve him of going out with his own students, AT ALL. to me.. its not a moral thing to do. how could MOE approve this kind of person to teach in our schs? its too dangerous to have such predator ard...


later headed to work after a fringe-cut at victoria's (sis fren) mum's shop. saw his bro 4 e first time. they do look alike in some ways...

after work its DEVILS TIME! back to e club i used to frequent after like how many months... no Q + free entry. all thanks to ai ling's fren who knows e bouncers so well. drinks r all on e guys too. haha. when i go with ai ling, usually she has everything planned le. drinks 'bao'. transport 'bao'. haha. still enjoy e live band. love them. e usual guys on stage. great songs they sing. managed to squeeze rite infront of e stage, n at 1 point of time, e pretty girl(1 of e performers) juz lifted my chin n whispered in my ear "we love u" n juz winked at me. hmm.. i really had no idea y she did tt. LOL. pai seh to look at her sia. when they were singing this song "Heya"... having this wriggling part, she reached out her hand for me n i juz did e same too. =) so sweet. Numb... e reason.. lets get retarted!!! blah.. really great songs. during "e reason" there was this girl 1 of them picked to go up on stage to join e guy in his song was really 'chio'. 'ang mo' type. in her sunglasses, she looked really cool. model material. e guy juz sang e song to her n she danced along. haha. every1 was like "ooohhh..." =O~ even e girls. me. haha. another song they invited e girls infront to go up stage to dance. nah.. i din have e courage. so.. yeah... juz cheered e others on.

saw 'an zheng xi' there, in a cap. e channel 8 9pm show actor.. wat is his real name? 4get it. with another mediacorp guy. he was like quite popular huh.. with e girls? hmm...

after tt we left for 2hrs of ktv session at cine with 1 of her guy frens(ex actually, seemed like he is trying to woo her back. ya i extra la when they were singing duet.... BLEAH =P). ordered some finger food. eh...wasnt really tt fantastic ={ e bill after totalling up was like $60 plus... not worth sia, 2hrs of singing only. remind me of e other time at party world. ex sia. nv m i going back there. i still prefer kbox..e student package.. hehe..

den later home sweet home le lo.

Li.di.ya turned back time on 11:44:00 PM.

i juz dun understand y do i have a FUCKED UP FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basically all e FUCKED UP PPL ARD ME!

do u know wat drives ppl to do mad things? i do. i so much understand how they were feeling.

i so much wanna scream at them now 4 making my life fucked up as theirs! cant wait to move out of this place! i will anyway... but not tt soon. waiting 4 my dad to pack his whole house 4 me to move in. hai...

seriously, next time dun expect me to repay them 4 looking after me. coz they din. not 1 tiny bit. they juz make my life miserable. i would have been better off living alone outside. yeah... ungrateful brat.. rude... watever. y should i b e nice 1 when all i get is these stupid shits in return? "hao ren you hao bao" - its so not true. it does PAY to b nice.

wo jui shen ai de ren.. shang wo que shi jui shen... n tts so sad.

sometimes its not about wanting to win in a fight tt lead me to tear. its when they say hurtful and damn sacarstic things tt make me feel so angry. n tts e last thing i need.... from my own family. they arent being supportive or anything lor.. they juz make me feel stressed out

Li.di.ya turned back time on 5:20:00 PM.

- Ji mo de ji jie -

every1 seems to b out of love...



-off to work-

Li.di.ya turned back time on 1:40:00 PM.

"Dao Dai" is a V NICE SONG! yeah.. it's e song u r now listening to.
this is e the other only song of Jolin i would sing besides 'ni hai ai wo ma' in KTV. though i m not really into her or her songs, still i love this alot! =D bth le...

oo ohh... my OOPG is due this fri but i m still stuck with e driver class n another class. hai.. hack! if i cant finish on time i juz gotta do documentation on e parts tt i failed to do n hand it in. =(

next wk is NMM, IISO n DCNK. powerpoints to do.. blah....*glup... n PRESENTATIONS! ={ i hate tt. hai.. dun every1 juz love ppl who r confident? for IISO juz let me face n tok to e poor, old teacher ba... who knows who will b listening to me sia.. i will b uttering rubbish anyway. laugh at me ba. HA HA HA! -.-

toking bout tt IISO teacher. he is really a damn poor chap. look so helpless n everything.. last thurs only me n another girl turned up 4 his lecture. (yeah... 2 pathetic loners) but wait! not tt bad.. another guy n a girl joined us, so tt made it 4 persons n tt 1 teacher in tt lec hall, pathetic huh? seriously pity him man. but i gotta 'pei fu' him too coz even though this happened, he still stayed on n cont teaching. patience man... coz if me i would have juz QUIT! watever 4 when u dun get respected rite? tt day when i walked in, he said this after c-ing my suprised look when i juz saw him n tt girl in e lec hall: "i will still teach even if there's only 1 student present". WOOHOO!!! *clap clap clap*

really bth my class guys. e other time kept toking loudly n stuff, tt he had to walk up e lec hall n tick them off. not successful though even after a second attempt. during our tut same thing happened. suggested them to get out of e rm but still... really bth... cant they juz give him some respect? so old already too.. n he is a teacher afterall. c him ez to bully only... cant stand them acting like gangster sia.. e way they tok n stuff. like wat r they trying to show? act 'seh'? only..-.- well.. i m not impressed by tt. hai... 'wei nan' him 4 wat sia? they can go to hell la. insensitive creatures, not fit to b respected. mayb i can try to stand up 4 him e next time? =}


there's so many shoes i wanna buy! juz bought a "ballet" 1..sweet. n a simple flip flop with low heels. n i think it's not low enuff.so.. gotta get another FLAT 1. -.- n left a shoe. wanna get e LA gear at OG orchard(old 1) but dun have my size =(. so gotta go dwn to chinatown de. look ard there n beach rd ba.. miss those shopping sprees sia. feels really gd carrying big paperbags in ur hand man. .. n going ard hunting for ur stuff. bought a skirt from Kelp too. no staff discount though coz it was already on sale. $19.90. cheap for this kind of quality man. tempted to get other clothes from there too but e prices r juz a little steep for me. ard $30plus and above. gosh.

sometimes its really nice to receive encouragements from ppl... really keeps 1 going..... n i m thankful for tt even though it din help much... =)

Li.di.ya turned back time on 5:51:00 PM.